


who said i was special because that's the biggest lie i've heard in months

by MysticalLioness



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 18+, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Electricity, Electrocution, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Kissing, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Pidge is 16, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing, Sleep Deprivation, Stress, being a paladin is hard man, these babes are just stressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 07:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticalLioness/pseuds/MysticalLioness
Summary: spe·cialˈspeSHəl/Submitadjective1.better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual.Keith thought, that in all of his overly confident glory, Lance was the most special person he had ever met.Lance thought otherwise. He wasn't all that special, honest. He was just a normal Cuban boy, with lovely ocean blue eyes that swallowed you whole, just a boy who could play the ukulele and sing like the angels, just a boy who was a big brother to many younger siblings and cousins, just a boy who yearned to be truly loved by someone other than his family.He was never special.Keith wanted to change that the second he saw a tear run down his annoyingly perfect face.





	1. you wont know how much i cry until you really look at me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [love like you [klance]](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/322065) by 6oys. 



> "i always thought i might be bad, now im sure that its true,"

Lance laid on his bed with a blank look on his face, eyes dim and glassy. The darkness of the room hurting them, and yet he ignored that fact. He could survive a little bit of stinging pain. The thin blanket on top of him did no good in warming him up, he stayed cold, icy cold. Just like his dear Blue, who was as cold as ice and as smooth and pretty as water. She purred in the back of his mind, and he smiled for a few seconds.

He could hear people chattering outside, so very close to his room. They hung around for a while, before their voices began to fade away, along with their steps, beginning to go far far away. They were probably talking about  _him_. How useless he was, how weak and slow he was. That maybe it'd be a better idea if they just threw him out and watch frost cover him, eyes wide and empty, death taking him so very quickly.

Useless, so very fucking useless.

The lights turned on, and a figure opened the door and walked in. It was Hunk, with his soft smiles and soft eyes. With big bear hugs and a warm personality. He chuckled, and Lance groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes, personality changing in the blink of an eye.

"Come on buddy, it's time to get up. Allura wants everyone in the dining room, and if you don't get out she'll drag you out by your ear."

Hunk chided gently, taking his blanket off and folding it, before placing it on the farthest end of the bed. Lance shivered, pouting at him and being coaxed up into a sitting position.

"Fine, I'll get up just give me two minutes.."

Lance sighed, falling back onto his bed and rolling lazily onto the floor. Hunk rolled his eyes, before nodding and nudging him gently with his foot.

"Alright, just change quick!"

He left, closing the door behind him quietly. Lance laid on the floor for a few minutes, before deciding to get up. He slipped on his clothes, brushing his hair quickly and yawning. Stretching just enough to hear the soft and satisfying pop coming from his back.

He hoped it'd be a nice day today.

* * *

 

"So... training again, eh?" Lance pouted, jutting his bottom lip out. He stifled a yawn, covering his mouth with his hand before letting it drop to his side. Blue eyes still dim and glassy, and he stared at Allura with the same blank look on his face as this morning. He fluttered his lashes, looking away and drawing circles on the palm of his hand.

Allura frowned at Lance, she had different earrings on. Turquoise, with what seemed like a hint of lilac in the middle. 

"Yes, training again. You paladins need to work on your weaknesses because standing around doing your usual fighting won't always help you. Eventually, the Galra and Lotor will figure out your every move." Allura scrunched up her nose, looking all too sour as always when she didn't get something done. The paladins ignored her, and Lance rolled his eyes and rubbed them, hand clenched in a fist, similar to how his younger brother would.

Oh. His family. How he missed them. How he missed them nuzzling him, hugging him, smooching him. His aunts cooing at how gorgeous his ocean blue eyes were, tickling him and pinching his cheeks. But now he was here, in an Alien castle with an Alien Princess and her father's royal adviser. And Lance piloted a big blue robot lion, and here he was, being yelled at by Shiro and Allura because he wasn't Keith. Because he couldn't do anything right and because he wasn't perfect like Keith.

God, he hated when people mentioned he should more like Keith. He hated when Shiro and Allura told him he should be more like Keith. But why? Because he was a fucking mistake? Because Keith was so very perfect, even after he lost his parents, even after he had anger issues? He wasn't anything like Keith, and he knew he never would be, god, maybe he should just jump outside and freeze to death. Maybe then people would really notice him.

"Well then, I want everyone to go and eat breakfast. After that the training will begin, understood Paladins?" Lance could feel the knife cutting close to him, Allrua's words so very bitter and fake. He knew when someone was lying, when someone wanted to seem happy even though they weren't. Maybe he knew because he'd done it before, or because his family were pro's at it. It was easy to have drama in a big family, especially when you have homophobic and biphobic relatives.

"Yes Princess," The paladins muttered, shuffling to a seat and sitting down on it, watching with grim faces as Coran placed bowls of food goo on the table. A chorus of  _thanks_ echoing from everyone. Lance grabbed his spoon, swallowing down bile and scooping up the jello like substance. It jiggled and he tried to hide his cringe as he could, moving it towards his mouth and licking it off. It had no taste, but there was a far away flavor, rather similar to lime but much more hidden. The food goo felt like mush in his mouth, it wasn't crunchy or similar to liquid, just slimy and gross. No texture to it at all.

Lance looked up, Hunk was halfway done but he didn't seem like he was enjoying it too much, Pidge was struggling to even take one bite, Keith was gone, he probably ran to the training room right away. Of course, that guy was fucking obsessed with being in that training room, and it seemed as if Shiro had followed along. Allura was speaking to the mice using her spoon to feed them some food goo, and Coran was having a grand time shoveling spoonfuls of food goo in his mouth.

Lance pressed his thighs together, the dining room was quiet, even though there was the quiet chatter of Allura and her mice. It felt wrong, so very wrong, too quiet and there were no smiles or yelling, no screams or laughter. Anxiety coiled in his belly, like a snake strangling its prey. His appetite left, faster than it should've, and his cheerful personality going down the drain with it.

"I'm not very hungry Coran, sorry! I'm going to go to my room if you guys need me.."

He forced a smile onto his face, his usual mask winning them over right away. Of course they wouldn't think something was wrong, they never cared about him. He was just a seventh wheel. He wasn't all that important, the only real reason Blue chose him was because there wasn't anyone else to chose. Just him and his dumb and fake personality. She would leave in the blink of an eye if she wanted to.

Lance stood, taking his plate with him and shuffling away, he took it to the kitchen and left the plate there before sprinting back to his room. Opening the door and turning the lights off and just hiding under the covers. He let out a shaky breath, scratching at his chest and letting out a pained sob from his hurting heart. He just wanted the pain to go away, to leave him alone, why couldn't he just be happy again? Just be happy, _behappybehappybehappywhyareyousadwhyareyousad-_

_JUST MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY, PLEASE, IM SORRY, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY, BE BACK WITH MAMA AND PAPA AND MY ENTIRE FAMILY I HATE MY LIFE WHY DID I HAVE TO BE A PALADIN I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS IM SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY-_

 

_please just help me_

 


	2. a fake smile a day keeps all your friends away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "..cause i think you're so good, and i'm nothing like you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a while!! :))  
> also,, i had to restart the 2nd chapter bc fucking AO3 and my grandmas laptop didnt save or something and all my progress was deleted,,,,,,, 
> 
> but its kind of better now??  
> hope ya like it!
> 
> note ; im going to actually edit chapter one and add some more things to it, and maybe take away a few things. look out for that!!  
> and did you see two lil easter eggs i mentioned in chapter two?? its from just breathe btw so go check it out!!

Lance certainly thought that Keith was graceful when he fought. He looked as if he was dancing. Just gliding across the floor and slicing away the gladiator, like it was nothing. Pidge grinned wildly as she watched Keith, and Lance felt sad and bitter. Allura was glancing at Lance, saying something about improving and being just as good as Keith. Lance paid no attention. He let his lashes flutter close, muttering a short prayer beneath his breath in Spanish. Coran shot him a bewildered and confused look, but Lance kept his gaze on Keith.

He won in a short amount of time. About six minutes maybe, and Shiro ran up to him, complimenting him cheerfully. Pidge turned to Coran, asking him about some kind of technology. Lance stared off into space, anger and jealousy and anxiety coiling in his belly like a snake strangling its prey and biting down into soft, squishy flesh. Letting venom run through its body, just like how anxiety ran through Lance's bloodstream and ended up in the toilet of his private bathroom.

It sunk its teeth into him, controlling him and forcing him to curl up in his room and cry and beg for an escape, for someone to take his place, for someone to love him, for his family to be there, for Keith to just hold him and lean in and to dance with him and to-

Oh.

He'd done it again. Thought about something he shouldn't of have because it isn't right. It isn't right because they were in the middle of a fucking war right now and falling for someone and being in love is the worst possible thing to do because there would be so much pain, so much fucking sadness, so much heartbreak and screaming and crying and just being delirious over someone who was  _dead_.

And that wouldn't help at all.

He was happy that earth wouldn't enter this blood filled war for a few years. His family would be safe, even though they didn't live in the nicest area of their little city, and even though there are so many shootings, murder, illness, wars, poverty, and hunger.. they were perfectly fine. They had many more friends and family to help them out. They had each other and themselves. They would be fine.

Lance wished he was with them. Wished he was on his mama's lap, curled up in a blanket while she sang softly to him about Arroz con Leche. And his cat, Rice, would jump up next to them and meow and curl up into a ball too and Lance would feel safe surrounded by his mama and papa and his brothers and sisters and cousins. And he wouldn't have to ever kill anyone. Not in the Garrison, not in space, not anywhere at all.

 

" _Lance_ , are you even listening to me?"

Oh. Allura was angry at him now, his gaze trailed up towards her. Dim and piercing blue eyes spooking her so much she actually, quite literally, went pale. Lance was confused, was Allura fine? She didn't look so good right now. He made a soft and questioning noise in the back of his throat, and Hunk placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, but Lance still managed to flinch and look up at him.

"Hey buddy, are you okay?"

He actually didn't feel okay. He felt tired and anxious and sick and he honestly just wanted to cry a bit more in his room with silvery white walls and blue and white lights. But Lance just put on a smile on his face that hurt him. That was so wide and fake and fucking painful he wanted someone to look him in the eye and  _know_ he wasn't okay. 

Keith looked up, far away across the room from Lance and the others, with Shiro walking towards him at a normal pace. He gazed into those lovely blue eyes filled with oceans and stars that swallowed him whole and that sent him to another world where he knew that Lance wasn't at all happy. And as he looked closer, he knew he spotted a sparkle of guilt, of sadness, of homesickness.

And Lance moved on and smiled, winning Hunk and Allura over so very fast it seemed stupid. How naive it seemed, Lance wanted to snort at it.

"Yep! I'm fine, just kinda got deep in thought there.."

Allura and Hunk sighed in relief, giving each other a nervous smile and then looking back at Lance.

"Well, that's good! It's your turn, Lance. So do your best!"

Lance nodded, getting a staff from the weapon rack and then standing close to the middle of the room. A gladiator materialized in front of him, and Allura shouted out, "Start training sequence, level one!", the gladiator's only robotic eye let out an ominous blue glow. Lance swallowed, sidestepping the gladiator when it ran towards him, he let out a shout when it stopped and ran at him again, the end of its staff nearly touching his arm, just missing him by a hair.

He scrambled away, huffing in surprise, shocking him to the core. Lance backed up, dodging the gladiator once more and slamming his own staff into its belly. It stumbled back, and Lance hit its side once more, watching it slip onto the floor. It made a strange crackling sound, glitching a bit and making a soft whirring sound as it slowly staggered to its feet.

Lance felt sweat run down his face, he was panting softly and furrowing his brows in confusion. The gladiator picked its staff up once more, and Lance's blood ran cold when Allura shouted, "Start training level two!". His eyes widened, and he shot Allura a bewildered look, who looked down at the training arena with a questioning face, thinking about something.

The gladiator sped off towards Lance, and the boy was thrown back when the gladiator rammed its staff into his stomach. He coughed, sliding onto the floor and getting onto his knees. His stomach felt on fire, and he stood up and ran towards the gladiator, sliding under its legs and standing up behind it. Lance shouted, electricity crackling and popping at the end of his staff as he (somehow) shoved it through its back, impaling it in a matter of minutes. The gladiator spazzed, electricity shooting out and hitting the walls in a violent manner. Lance backed up, letting go of the staff and letting his eyelashes close because _this was not okay, something is wrong this isn't right help me help me helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpme._

 

 

He knew something wasn't right when his blood ran cold and felt like ice running through his body. He screamed in pain, eyes shut close so very tightly. He heard Allura and Hunk and maybe Pidge scream his name. His eyes fluttered open while he was on the ground, feeling tired and heavy and he honestly felt like falling asleep. He squinted a bit, vision blurry and figures moving around him and maybe picking him up and he thinks they might have taken him to the medical wing and someone was putting him in a cryopod and then-

It was dark. Cold and dark and honestly he was scared. Lance was sure he felt a tear run down his cheek, even with his eyes closed and his lashes glistening with tears. His lips felt numb, and it felt chilly in the dark and confined space he was in. He still felt tired. And he heard muffled voices, someone was sobbing too, and he so desperately wanted to just hug them tightly and comfort them, he wanted to say  _its alright, dont worry, im fine its okay dont cry stop crying_.

Cold air nipped at his cheeks, and his eyes fluttered open, gasping softly and relaxing a bit. Frost covered the glass of the cryopod, though it was very thin. The door automatically opened, and he blearily saw a gust of cold air being released into the open space of the med wing. He sighed softly, falling into the arms of someone who grunted in surprise. Lance saw black hair, sticking out in all directions and ending at the nape of the person's neck. He chuckled weakly, too tired to actually stand straight.

"Nice to see you too, mullet."

He muttered, and Keith chortled bitterly, kneeling onto the floor and taking Lance with him until he too was sitting, half on his lap and half on the floor. Pidge shouted angrily, letting out a string of curses at Lance and sniffling. Allura apologized, taking Lance's hand and blubbering about him. Shiro and Hunk stood side by side, chiding him gently and telling him to " _be more careful!_ ".

Coran smiled at Lance behind his ginger mustache, snapping his fingers.

"You succeeded in beating the gladiator, that proves that you're pretty strong. And smart too, of course, there  _were_ a few problems along the way, like how you were electrocuted, but we got you in a pod just in time!"

Lance nodded, muttering something, a mix of Spanish and English maybe. Shiro shooed everyone away, helping Keith get Lance to stand up.

"Lance needs to rest now, so no getting out of bed until you are better and back in shape,"

Shiro chided Lance, and the blue-eyed boy chortled a bit. Letting Keith and Shiro drag him off.

"You sound like a dad, Shiro."

Shiro shook his head, smiling a bit.

"So I've been told."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the two lil easter eggs i added are from my other fic,, just breathe (klance)  
> its just as angsty-ish as this short fic is,, so pls go check it out(workin on chapter two of that too!!)
> 
> easter eggs;  
> 1\. mama sings arroz con leche, its a bit of a casual/lullaby kind of song,, i sing it once in a while too!!  
> 2\. the cats name is Rice, in Just Breathe his name is Arroz, which actually still translates to Rice!
> 
> note; i dont know how to write fights,, and i was tired too at the time lol


	3. im awake in the middle of the night wondering if you'll ever love me back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "look at you go, i just adore you..!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small note; i didnt make a new chapter yet, sorry~~ but if you've gotten this far into the fic i suggest you go back to chapter one and reread it. i've fully edited it and it is so much better than before!! :))  
> thats the only reason why i decided to update this to today~~  
> \--  
> ahh you guys..  
> i love you all,, im just so happyyyy!!
> 
> i never expected this fic to reach more than 1000 hits!!  
> the most ive ever gotten was about 700 hits on a oneshot but like,,  
> more than 80 kudos too?!?!!?  
> oooof!! thanks so oo o m uch,,,

They forced Lance to stay in bed for more than two weeks. Even though by the second week he was more than fine to stand up and run a marathon. Lance also did not expect Keith to fuss over him so much, it was kind of sweet, even cute if you think about it. And Lance's heart did nothing but flutter at the fact that Keith was taking care of him so very much.

But in reality he knew Keith was just acting. He knew that Keith just wanted to make sure Lance was fine and then they'd go back to normal and nothing would have ever happened. Lance knew he shouldn't be lying to himself. And yet he still swallowed his heartache away and placed a smile on his face and quietly thanked his beloved crush.

It was horrendous. It was so fucking terrible and it made him want to scream and shout and cry and scramble over towards Keith and hold him so very tightly.

Maybe he should stop lying to himself.

It'd be the best thing he could do for the both of them.

 

It was night time. Or at least- That's what it felt like. The castle was dark, quiet too. But it didn't bother Lance much as he walked around the halls, barefoot while he dragged his fingers gently against the wall. His blue eyes flashed, glaring into the shadows that lurked. No one seemed to be up late that much anymore. Though he'd listen to Pidge's noisy robots whirring from inside her room, and Shiro's shuddering breaths from the nightmares he seemed to suffer so much from. And maybe he'd hear Allura cry out her father's name in desperation, and Coran wheeze out a cough. He didn't hear much at all. 

Keith and Hunk were quiet inside their rooms most of the time. Only the soft snores coming from them was all Lance could hear, leaning on the door and closing his eyes. He continued to walk down the dark hallways as always.

It wasn't that he couldn't sleep, he just had too much on his mind. All the time. And in all honesty it scared him, so he walked to clear his mind. He muttered beneath his breath, and whispered soft songs that echoed down the halls. He swallowed sometimes, tears running down his face, all too fast and hot and he knew it still scared him.

He scrubbed at his face violently with the sleeve of his pajama shirt, his tan face turning pink all while he sniffled and made a soft whining nose at the back of his throat. He tore his gaze away from the floor, looking out the big window, looking at the planets that the castle passed all too casually. His eyes twinkled, glazed over with a fresh set of tears that would fall too easily.

The universe was so very big, full of planets and aliens who had cultures, family's, a  _home_ to go to.

Lance wished he could go back home. The familiar wave of homesickness bathing him forcefully, making him drown and breathe in shakily. He turned his body away from the window, beginning to walk again. It would be a matter of time before he went back home, to his family, with his friends.

In reality, space was scary. It scared Lance, gave him chills and anxiety, because it was huge and violent. It scared Lance, because it was just too familiar, it was something he saw every day of his life back on earth, the sound of bullets ricocheting off of metal and brick walls, the wails of his younger siblings, who cuddled and buried their faces into his shirt.

The real reason as to him becoming a pilot at garrison was just for the money, and because he loved the universe and the planets surrounding them all too much. His heart filled with love that overflowed and drowned him. He needed money, to help his family get a better home and better jobs, and a better life. 

He didn't want to see his family struggle anymore.

* * *

Lance meandered around for a few hours, eyes dim and face blank. His chestnut brown hair was ruffled, and his shirt was beginning to hang off his shoulder a bit, tan skin exposed to the air that was slowly becoming chilly.

He felt someone place their hand on his shoulder, and he was sure he jumped at least three feet into the air. He let out a shriek, though it was cut off by another hand covering his mouth and pulling him into the persons chest.

Soft, hot breath brushed past the nape of his neck, and he had a feeling that the person who surprised him wasn't all that tall, meaning it could only be Keith or  Pidge. Lance swallowed, cheeks a bit too warm and eyes wide and surprised. He struggled a bit, and the short person let him go, rushing out a soft, " _sorry_ _!_ ".

Keith examined Lance's ruffled appearance, with warm violet eyes. He spied faint dark circles beneath Lance eyes, and he scrunched up his own nose before blowing out a gust of air from between his lips. He huffed, crossing his arms and nodding at Lance.

"Why are you walking around in the middle of the night? You're supposed to be in bed, you do know that right?"

Keith chided gently, he knew it was out of character, but as long as Lance was fine and healthy and  _not_ hurt he would be calm and not be acting like a worried den mother, or boyfriend-

"I couldn't sleep,"

Lance let the lie slip between his lips, biting down on his tongue and staring at Keith, maybe a bit too aggressive as Keith flushed and glanced away, nervously looking at the floor.

"Right. Well you can sleep with me, if you want I guess."

Shit, fuck, he didn't actually mean to invite Lance to sleep over, why did that just happen? Keith shifted, rubbing the back of his neck and scowling. Lips pouting and violet eyes glaring at Lance.

"I- Oh."

Lance kept quiet, hoping that Keith couldn't see his reddening cheeks. Since when did Keith invite anyone to his room? That was  _smooth_ , coming from someone who couldn't flirt at all. Lance was nearly vibrating with excitement, and he nodded meekly, though he was shrieking internally.

"Well then? Let's go."

Keith huffed, leading the way to his room all while biting his lip and quivering. Okay, so Lance actually  _did_ want to go to his room and wasn't avoiding him. That was some progress! Right..?

* * *

"Well how do you want to do this?"

Keith hummed, crossing his arms once more and glancing over at Lance who shrugged. Blue eyes beginning to look tired, he'd be out soon. Keith made a noise of uncertainty, crawling into the bed with his back to Lance. Lance squeaked, crawling into bed and watching Keith who stiffened. Lance reached out, pulling Keith's tuft of black hair at the nape of his neck. Keith hissed in pain and surprise, turning his body awkwardly around and glaring at Lance.

 "That hurt, why'd you do that for?"

Keith scowled at Lance, violet eyes ablaze. Lance snorted, reaching over and rubbing the black hair in between his fingers.

"It was bothering me. Hey- Your hair is really soft,"

Lance pouted, before getting comfortable on the small bed and pulling his hands close to his chest, Keith doing the same and gazing into Lance's eyes.

"Um- Thanks?"

Keith stammered, face flushing in embarrassment, Lance shrugged lashes fluttering a bit.

"Mhmm, well goodnight,, mullet.."

Keith scoffed, muttering " _good night_ " back. He let his eyes close, relaxing quite a bit and huffing out a bit. Lance let his lashes flutter open, relaxing too when he began hearing the soft snores coming from Keith. Lance shifted in the bed, face flushing when he realized how close Keith's face was, he scoffed to himself, swallowing and blinking fast.

This was much more casual than Lance expected it to be, and he so desperately wanted sleep to come and cover him with her warm blanket of dreams. 

Lance couldn't stop the soft sob that escaped him, making his heart clench in sadness and denial. His hand flew up to his mouth, and he whimpered softly, hunching over and letting tears escape his wide blue eyes.

" _stop crying, please just stop crying.._ "

Lance murmured, needy and scared and he hoped as much as he could that Keith wouldn't wake up to him crying. Lance hissed, trying to wipe away tears just  _wouldn't stop flowing_. He took in a shuddering breath, holding it when Keith grunted softly, murmuring something beneath his breath.

" _don't wake up, oh god please don't wake up_.."

Keith rubbed his eyes, lashes fluttering open just to gaze at watery blues. Keith's eyes widened, watching Lance reel back and whine, sniffling and spluttering out curse words and apologies. Keith let out a breathy gasp, reaching over to caress Lance's cheek, thumb swiping over stray tears. He examined his face, before pulling Lance towards him and just-

Breathing in his scent, ocean water mixed with lilacs.

This..

This wouldn't be all too bad now that he thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smol note; when lance n keith are in bed and lance begins crying its a few hours after keith has fallen asleep dont worry ya'll lance has been staring at keiths face for literal hours


	4. my heart flutters and im always scared of you hearing it pound in my chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i wish that i knew, what makes you think.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im soo sorry i havent updated in a while!! ive been very busy n i got in trouble last week so my phone and laptop got taken away! anyways~~ heres your chapter!  
> enjoy it as much as you can before chapter five comes along!!

The rest of the night was spent full of comforting cooing and soft singing. Lullabies rolling off of Keith’s tongue, the songs and their meaning unknown to him. Lance’s eyes fluttered, long lashes beginning to droop, ocean blue eyes that were tired and sad. His tense shoulders beginning to relax, curled up hands falling limply. Body becoming heavy and head becoming muddled and blurred.

They somehow managed to fall asleep. Lance’s sobbing becoming soft cries and then-

Little hiccups.

Keith caressed his cheek, leaning his head against Lance’s and tickling him with his lovely black lashes, hiding violet eyes beneath them. For once, Keith felt safe. Blinding love and comfort numbing his senses and wishing him a good rest.

 

They slept for a few hours. Nothing more, nothing less. And when Keith left his room with tired eyes and his skin cold to the touch, he wished nothing more than to be back in bed with Lance.

Lance.

 _His_ Lance.

God, he was getting way too into this.

* * *

 

Lance woke up feeling cold and lonely. Eyes still puffy from crying in the middle of the night. Dried tear streaks the only clue as to what had happened.

He flushed red when he remembered what Keith was doing, heart pounding in his chest undeniably fast.

Having a crush on Keith wasn’t too bad, they had already slept in the same bed, and Lance was fine with that. But getting close to him enough that Keith sang to him and nearly gave him an Eskimo kiss? That nearly gave Lance a heart attack.

He flailed around on the bed, before finally rolling out of bed and sneaking to his own room. He turned the bath on, the strangely warm Altean waters making him shiver as he stripped himself of his dirty sleepwear and slipped into the bath. He sat down, pulling his knees close to his chest and sighing. The stress that was building up on his shoulders sliding off smoothly, like butter.

Thoughts rampaged around his head, his cheeks flushing red. He whined, slipping into the water more until only his nose (And above)where open to the cool air.

Pouting, he couldn't help but wonder, " _does Keith have feelings for me..? no... maybe im just fooling myself! he couldnt have any feelings for a worthless piece of garbage like me... god what were you thinking? saying yes to sleeping in his room? he probably thought you were just being a baby, cant you stop crying for once? fuck fuck fuck, im so stupid, so fucking stupid i hate myself i hate my life i hate everything!_

 

He really wished he could just disappear from this world, once and for all.

* * *

"Hey, have you guys seen Lance? He wasn't in his room when I checked this morning..?"

Hunk seemed worried, biting his lip and playing with his bandanna, hair ruffled and messy. Keith nearly choked, trying to eat his food goo. He swallowed, narrowing his brows and looking at Hunk.

"I think he was by that one big window or something..?"

Keith stuttered, becoming hot and uncomfortable in his own skin. Hunk frowned, humming.

"Well.. I guess I could check there.."

Hunk started, walking away and shaking away the anxiety that began coiling and forming in his stomach.

Keith watched him leave, eyes shifting to Pidge, who was staring with a wide and mischievous smile.

"So.. you and Lance, huh? Though I was expecting this to come for a while now,"

She pushed her glasses up her nose, the lens gleaming in the light in a very.. unnerving manner. Keith blushed, turning red from his neck to his ears.

"What- what do you mean?"

He swallowed, and Pidge cackled.

"Oohh, I think you  _know_ what I mean, should I tell Allura and Shiro that you two are having some real bonding time now?"

She raised her brows in a suggestive manner, and Keith hissed.

"We haven't done anything you.. gremlin! He just slept in my bed once and that was it."

Keith crossed his arms, huffing out. Pidge snorted, leaning back in her chair, her equipment sitting near her.

"I don't believe that, but it doesn't matter. And don't call me that you fucking emo,"

Keith rolled his eyes, corner of his lips twitching upwards.

"Says the one who's apparently married to the Loch ness monster, just hope he/she isn't having an affair,"

Pidge gasped, dramatically putting a hand on her chest.

"Me and Nessie are very happy you know!"

Keith snorted, and Pidge scowled, glaring at him from across the table.

"Fuck you,"

Keith shrugged.

"No thanks."

* * *

The soft pitterpatter of Hunk's shoes was the only sound in the lonely hallway. He huffed a bit, perking up when he heard the soft whirring of a door open.

"Lance?"

His voice echoed, soft and homey, a wave of comfort washing over Lance as he peeked around the corner. Pearly whites twinkling as he grinned at Hunk. Hunk let out a sigh of relief, scurrying towards his friend and patting his shoulder.

"Oh! Thank goodness, come on, it's breakfast time and you mister, have to eat!"

Lance nodded, smiling away.

"Alright, alright..! You don't have to worry so much,"

Lance chuckled, and Hunk shook his head biting his lip.

"I.. I know.. sorry, a-anyways, where were you this morning? You weren't in your room?"

Lance swallowed, chortling nervously.

"Oh, Um.. w-well I was just walking around the castle! It gets really tiring just standing in one place, ya know?"

Hunk nods, humming softly.

"Hmm, I understand, just.. be careful okay?"

Lance laughed, nodding and patting Hunks arm before arriving in the dining room.

"I told you not to worry about me, I'm fine..!"

Hunk nodded, eyeing him a bit before taking his seat. Lance sighed, rubbing his wrists and taking his own seat. Keith glancing at him, along with Pidge who had a huge smile, a chill running down Lance's back. He muttered something beneath his breath, leaning back onto the seat and humming.

" _arroz con leche... _Me quiero casar,_  con una  _señorita_  que  _sepa_  bailar...~"_

Keith grinned, cheeks flushed. Pidge leaned close to him, whispering in his ear teasingly.

" _someone's in looove~~"_

* * *

Lance huffed, even though they walked and fought and just worked all day long, it was still tiresome. His side was cramping, and the heel of his foot ached, and he so very desperately wanted a nap. A groan left him as the paladins kept on walking, soft panting and swears the only thing that they said to one another.

"Ugh.. I want to sleeep.."

Lance whined, and Hunk and Pidge agreed solemnly. Shiro glanced back at them, chuckling.

"Yea.. I know you guys do, but we have to finish this.. mission..? Before getting back to the castle.."

The three groaned louder, and Keith rolled his eyes, walking ahead off the group. He squinted his eyes, looking down at the bright city-like place below. He hummed, looking back at the paladins and waving them over.

"Hey- Allura, we found the city-"

Allura hummed, she spoke softly, her accent vibrating.

"Good! Then- I'd like it if some of you could head in and buy a few things with the money we gave you! And the rest who don't go in- Please just stay out there to look out, it can get confusing from where you came out of, the streets are very similar to one another."

She said a quick goodbye, and the paladins looked at one another.

"Well.. I'll go in, anyone else?"

Pidge and Hunk raised their hands, grinning at one another.

"We need to also buy a few things, so we'll go in."

Shiro nods, looking at Keith and Lance.

"Alright, so I guess you two will stay out here. Be good okay? And  _please_ for the sake of my blood pressure,  ** _behave_** "

Lance and Keith nodded, crossing their arms and glaring at one another.

"Fine, we'll be out here then. If you need us please tell us, we'll be on lookout then."

Keith nodded at them, and the trio wavered for a bit before leaving, sliding down the hill like area and flying towards the city. Lance glanced at Keith, relaxing a bit, he sat down and looked up at him.

"Well, they're gone,"

He took his helmet off, shaking his head. Keith stuttered, cheeks flushing, hands flying out to try and stop him.

"H-hey! Don't take it off, what if the air is poisonous or something?!"

Lance made a funny face at him, laughing a bit.

"Allura said that the air was very similar to that of Earth's, and she said it's perfectly fine if we take our helmets off, so don't worry."

Lance waved him away, holding out his hand.

"Come down here and stop being such a baby, or should I call you babe from now on?"

Lance purred, and Keith turned red, plopping onto the ground next to him and just looking at the ground.

"Uh-um-"

Lance laughed, reaching over to playfully pinch his cheek.

"Haa~ I'm just kidding!"

Keith nodded, looking away.

"Yea- mhm, right..!"

Keith stuttered, shaking his head and glancing at Lance, innocently tilting his head.

"I wouldn't mind it if you called me babe though-"


	5. every time i look at you my heart feels like bursting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "..im so special.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this short fic! it was really fun writing it, and i do plan on coming back to it every year to improve it just a little bit! please check out my other fics too!!  
> thank you guys again!!

The rest of their time continued with teasing touches and wistful whispering. Flushed cheeks the only sign of them goofing around with one another.

Eventually, the planet's sun began setting, making an eerie purple glow; stars twinkled and shimmered in the sky, Allura checking in once in a while.

"The others are taking a while,"

Keith noted, heaving a tired sigh, stretching his back till his bones popped. Lance nodded, pulling himself up and off the ground from where he was sitting; he curled his fingers around his bayard, looking around at the scene.

"Yea, they're probably bargaining or something,"

He put his helmet back on, before walking off. Keith huffed, frowning and following the boy, he put his helmet back on too, speeding up to try and catch up.

"Ah- maybe, though they could've encountered something too, shit-"

Keith stumbled on some rocks, picking himself up and continuing to follow Lance.

"Hm, maybe, but they can take care of themselves. We've encountered worse things, are you okay by the way?"

Lance glanced back at Keith, who murmured another swear before nodding.

"Yes, I'm fine."

Lance hummed, climbing up the hill and looking up at the stars. Keith struggled besides him, but eventually stood up, panting lightly.

 

The dark night sky reminded Lance of home.

He swallowed his dreams and wishes of going to space, those had come true, though not the way he wanted them to. Now he just wanted to go back home; home where his family was, home where his siblings were, home where his parents were, home where he could sit down and eat food that didn't taste like shit or felt like mush, home where he could wear whatever he wanted, and he didn't need to wear the same thing every day, home on planet earth.

Home, where his heart really was, far away from this planet, far away from space, far away from the Galra and the Alteans and the Lions and the Castle..

But he really wanted to go back home, to really give Keith his heart once and for all.

 

Being out in space really made his emotions flow.

How oddly unfortunate.

Didn't matter now, and since he was thinking about it, when the war was over and all was calm and quiet; what could he do? He could open up a flower shop, or a bakery maybe. Or he could live his days in peace by the beach, waking to the sound of sloshing waves against the sand and the cries of seagulls.

It was simple, and it held a true place in his heart.

 

Lance snuffled, curling his hands into fists, glaring up at the eerie sky. 

"Lance, you okay?"

Keith whispered, purple orbs shining; brows furrowing in confusion and mouth forming into a pout. Lance laughed at his expression, huffing out a soft breath.

"Yea, I'm fine, why do you ask?"

He murmured back, shoulders relaxing. He licked his lips, anxiety pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

"You sniffled, so I thought maybe you were upset?"

Keith leaned back, scanning the taller boy.

"I said I'm fine, don't worry about it. Hey- when did you begin worrying about me?"

Lance grinned, amusement glittering in his eyes as Keith spluttered, cheeks painted pink.

"I'm- it's not that difficult to worry about your friend!"

Keith swallowed, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyebrows. Lance snorted, batting his eyelashes.

"Oh, I'm your friend now? Even after we flirted and slept in the same bed together?"

Lance snickered; cheeks flushed as he watched Keith's expression change; purple eyes widening.

"Ah- well- uh-"

Lance laughed again, shaking his head.

Keith relaxed, chuckling softly, breathing in and giving Lance a close eyed smile.

Lance's heart fluttered, butterflies furiously batting their wings in his stomach. He licked his lips again, finally letting tears slip down, glancing back at the sky.

"Yea.. I'm fine.."

**Author's Note:**

> this was made partly because of inspiration and partly because i need a way to be able to cope with my depression and anxiety :))


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